Halfway there

20 weeks and counting - we're halfway to the beginning of a whole new life for us, and certainly a new life for the Yukon baby. Unless of course, you subscribe to the notion that this is a soul reincarnated to this plain which has chosen us (us?) for its parents and is leading who knows which version of its journey. I like it, it's kind of romantic, although lately I might wonder what kind of soul would pick me for its mother. Okay, that's not quite fair...it's just that things have not felt as good as I would like them to, and in an effort to not play Hollywood and pretend that everything is butterflies and roses, I simply admit to being worried. I'm worried about all the changes that will happen in our lives, I worry about money and where we will live and who will eventually babysit and will the baby sleep and what about never seeing the grandparents and is its room big enough and will we have money for school and will I ever have a career again and have we made the right choices and on and on and on. I know there is more to worry about, I know this is nothing and that worries me even more.

Now, breathe, stretch, breathe deeply, sigh. Smile.

Things have been going well. Ez has gotten still more days as the badass Otis on Traveler (see picture - he's in FBI jail) and so that has made him happy and helped him feel connected and part of the world. As for me,I have gained only a little weight and few inches - although a full inch in the last two days! The baby moves well, and I have not only felt it with my hands (and Ez once too!) but on Sunday I saw the bump out the side with my own two eyes, which made me unexpectedly burst into tears, it was so amazing and made the baby seem all the more real. I have felt pretty good, not too unreasonably tired, not sick, no big aversions. I feel really lucky about all this. I'm also really thrilled that our timing has worked such that we have received (or will) a plethora of baby things that we would really need. Deb and Glenn and Brianna have offered us a beautiful crib, Kate her playpen, baby monitor and change table. Tracy and Adrian have a swing, newborn carseat, jolly jumper and all the slings I can handle. I found a great red velvet rocking chair on Craigslist for a mere $35 which should fit well with everything and it small enough not to overwhelm even our tiny baby's room. (I know they don't need much space, but still I worry it's too small - we'll see...) We're putting in the floors next week with help from JJ and his brother-in-law Paul and then we will be better able to see how the whole thing comes together. After my 4.5 hours of middle-of-the-night insomnia, I dreamt about the floors, their edges clicking together, the smell of new wood(type product) in the air. We'll paint the room then too, change the lighting (you know me, all about the ambiance) and then we're getting ready for baby!

Well, as ready as we'll ever be I guess.