18 weeks today!
Feeling full, like a balloon in a heated room. Not the giant, stuffed feeling that I know will come, but the first inklings of that. It's quite strange for me, as a woman, to feel like I have a lazy beer belly. I feel like it should be blubbery and wan, but it is remarkably taught and tight. And now, when I lay on my back, I can poke around and feel the change between the softness of my upper belly and the distinct change when I feel the round, tight wad that is my uterus. It's a wonderful change to experience and it is starting to feel more and more 'real' (for lack of a better word) than ever before. I have begun to feel pregnant and to feel less like an imposter in prenatal yoga or in maternity stores. Yes, I have begun to go into them, but they leave me bewildered and overwhelmed, so I have yet to make a purchase. I am trying to be of the school that says I need very little; so far it is holding up well. Being in a very small apartment (about to be a "2" bedroom instead of a 1+den!) also helps maintain an aura of austerity. We've turned the place upside down, casting off excess wherever we could, and considering how small is our space, it was a lot more than one might expect. Paring down is a wonderful experience - I can't imagine how much one might collect in an actual house. I don't miss anything though, and I relish in every small gain of space and organization. All practice for life on the high seas, a plan we continue to cling to. Ez will captain our proud boat, I will take pictures of our travels, write a travel food book and home-school our fabulously worldly and incredibly interesting children. So this is just 'Life in a Small Space: Part 1'.
It has also been increasingly wonderful to become part of the club of motherhood and to see how everyone's experience is unique and individual. I love to talk with other women and learn what they know - and it is as valuable to me to speak with the women of my book club, whose children are mostly grown, as it is to talk to those who've just had babies within the last year or two. I feel a connection to all these women by this deeply spiritual and nourishing experience, as well as a connection to all the women who have come before me. It is an incredible thing to do, and I truly feel priviledged to be a part.
We continue to read our books, the latest being 'The New Active Birth' (which honestly, blew my mind) and the 'Birth Partner' for Ez (yes, he is actually reading it, although with a bit of a 'deer in headlights' sensibility). I have ordered 'Spiritual Midwifery' and 'Birthing from Within' and it all goes quite well with all my hippie notions about childbirth. We have begun to bandy about names, although we like so few it has been a pretty laclkuster game thus far. We have our next prenatal appointment on Wednesday and I long to hear that tiny, racing heart again - although I have felt this one's presence quite soundly lately - sometimes with an alarmed 'yow!' at its ferocity. Again, wait till what comes later, I have heard, but this is my now, this is our week 18, and we will soak up every little piece.
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