It seems like every blog I want to start off with 'Wow!...' - and this one is no exception. The whole experience continues to amaze me, challenge me, and thrill me. I am amazed at every turn of the little body within me, and have especially grown to love what I believe is a little foot, in its regular place on the right side of my belly, about 3 inches from my belly button. It is like a touchstone for me, a lucky little bump I can rub when I feel anxious or nervous or nostalgic or any of the above. Like ctaching a falling star in some ways, I find myself constantly searching for the reassurance that little foot gives me, as if to say 'I'm still here!'. The baby moves around fairly constantly and I haven't had but one or two days when there was little or no movement, so I have not had any fears there thus far. Sometimes we even are dazzled by what feels like a full-body flip, a little in-utero gymnastics event that is wild to see and to feel. I am still feeling really good, although I am having some more uncomfortable days lately and feel quite full sometimes. I'm also more tired again, something I noticed markedly in the last ten days or so. Since I have been going to Yogapod's prenatal class (wonderful!) I have really seen how tired I get. Both times after the class I have had to go home and have a nap. I'm still struggling with the whole notion that I'm not doing enough, especially since I am not working, although I have had a steady stream of voice auditions, hopefully some of which I will book to make me feel better in general.
It still seems like a strange time, with all this waiting in the wings, anticipating this whole radical life change that is to come. It is not all romantic and blissful as the movies make it out to be, even though it has been phenomenally good. I just mean that there is also a lot of pressure and stress that comes into play with this new stage in life, a lot of self-reckoning, questioning of past decisions, future decisions, attitudes - everything. It is an emotionally challenging experience, but I continue to try and be present in this moment, enjoying each day as it comes to the best of my ability. I feel so fortunate to have had such a great pregnancy, and while my anticipation about the labour continues, I can only hope that it might match the pregnancy and that's all I could wish for - that and a healthy, gorgeous baby, of course!
I'm happy to have this chance to live with my baby all to myself, and while I know this next 10 weeks will go by quickly, I am taking it one day at a time and trying to give myself permission to live in this moment and experience without judgement, guilt or expectation - a challenge for me at the best of times. All I really know is that this is bound to make me a better person - it already has.
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