Well, well, we made it through day 1 of 3 on set...impressive in its own right. After Nahanni and I spent a lovely weekend on Salt Spring Island at Betsy & Derek's (Adrian's folks) with all the girls together (wow!) we packed up the little one and bundled her off to her first days on the film lot. Marsha (bless her) came with us as the official nanny-for-a-day and I have to say that Nahanni was as good as gold. Our call time was 9 am and we managed to get everyone and be on time and...then we sat around for 7 hours - the usual. Then, after one little Jelly Belly, my 'permanent bridge' fell out leaving a giant gaping hole in my head and then Nahanni started to fuss for eating - and of course, they called me to set! Well, I managed to power-feed Nahanni, call the dentist on the way (closed for 10 days!?) and do my little scene (2 lines) without totally falling apart - not too shabby. We wrapped the scene in about an hour, I packed up the baby, drove Marsha home (she was probably bored out of her head by this point) and then went in for an hour or so of dental work - super fun! Little girl was again, so good, she sat in her bouncy chair in the dentist's office (his sister drove in from Coquitlam to do it for me - bless her too) but after 40 minutes or so started to fuss and eventually cry inconsolably - with me in the chair, mouth agape and the dentist trying desperately to finish while the poor little thing wailed and sobbed - it was horrible for me to listen to her sobbing like that, knowing that it was a product in part of me having taken her away for the weekend (new place) and then to set all day (new place) and then having her on schedule that was not her own and then...well, it just seems a lot to ask of a little baby like that. I felt awful once I fed her and calmed her, having to stick her in that damned car seat again, but what could I do? All I could do was promise her that today we wouldn't have to go anywhere at all - and I kept my promise, mostly because we have both slept for most of the day - we're both worn out! She has had snuffles (or snurrgles as one book calls them) all weekend and now even has a little cough, which breaks my heart. She's still sleeping now, even though we've been in bed almost all day - I think all the moving and changes have made it such that she wasn't sleeping nearly as much as she would at home, so she's catching up and hopefully healing.
Myself, on the other hand, I am still feeling wiped, despite big naps and early nights on the weekend and this big sleep today. I guess worrying about how this gig will go hasn't helped, and even though they have been very amenable, I see that I am plucking her out of her home and putting her out there and she is working too in a way. I don't suppose I can find a way to not feel guilty about going to work so soon in her life, despite knowing that I'm doing it because I think it's best for our family's financial situation, but still... I mean, we will certainly survive, if a little tired, but we will be fine and she won't even remember it - like most things I worry about not - the stupid car seat, the shots, the bathtub bobble - whatever mishaps are to come. I guess it is the beginning is my quest to be the very best mother I can be for her, because I simply adore her little face and want it never to look sad. It's a pipe dream, I know... but a mother's gotta try.
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