Is there a Lesson in everything, dammit?

Sometimes, just sometimes, I'd like to just mosey through life for a while without the constant turbulence of self-reflection, although I guess without that we don't learn, right? Here I am as usual, questioning and groping for answers, muddling my way through this awesome task. I learned a lot this last week, and one of the big realizations I had was about the beginning of me [us] not being the sole influence in her life. Nahanni had her first day of 'play day' as I call it - four glorious hours every week in which I will not be in charge. We were invited to join a nanny-share group and I leapt at the chance, given how much I have been scrambling to gain back some ground of my own, to find my creative soul again before I lose it altogether, so I was really pleased to have that come our way, for her sake and mine. I think she will really benefit from being around other kids on a regular basis in this fashion, and I think she'll really grow a lot from it. The nanny is Mexican and I have encouraged her to speak to Nahanni as much as possible in Spanish, which she has quickly taken to, adding to her already prodigious vocabulary [she can now name about 70% of the 'Encyclopedia of the World's Animals' coffee table book, which she adores. 'Okapi!' she says 'Hey! That's a bongo! A ghost crab!' ]. We went for the first time last Wednesday and I stayed with her as I felt it would ease her in. The other little girl has just turned two, and 'F', the only boy, is almost three. I must admit, my protectionist mommy really panicked in the first hour - I have spent little time around boys and they are...wild, rambunctious, loud - a pretty general departure from Nahanni's energy. He was a bit rough with her and kept taking her toys and things, which I think upset me more than it did her, and I was thinking 'This isn't going to work out...'. At one point he crowded her little space and basically pushed her over and I thought 'That's it, she's going to cry and I'm going to have stop biting my tongue and...' and she didn't. She just left his space and moved onto something else while the nanny talked to him about it. Next time he did it (after very nicely sharing his lunch, I should mention) he yanked a paper she was colouring and to my surprise she wrenched it back from him and very clearly exclaimed 'No! That's mine!' - something I have never once heard her say.
So. I think she'll do just fine indeed.
Mommy, on the other hand, is dealing with everything from guilt (shocking, I know) to sadness in the realization that she is begining her journey little by little toward independence from me. She already learned 'Oh my god!!' from the nanny - I can only imagine what else there will be. I have taken a certain amazed pride in the fact that nearly every word and every number she knows I have taught her, or in the funny quirky things I know she can only have gotten from the wonderful time she spends with her dad. But now,...just four little hours a week, but still, those hours she will be Independent Nahanni, making her way without me and there will be all sorts of things that come from that, most that I will like, some that I will not. I don't think there is anything that quite prepares you for that thought, that realization. I guess this is how it starts, this inexorable dance we will do over our whole lives to separate ourselves from this incredible bond we have. I think back to that spider's silk I once wrote about here, how it is incredibly strong that gossamer thread. I just have to trust that it is strong where it needs to be, elastic enough to let her grow and strong enough to keep the bad bugs off.
Go Nahanni. Fly little bird.