But who's counting? Well, I guess I am, but I cannot decide if it is a little time or a lot still to go. Depends on the day and the humidity and whether mama has any of her spells...
Still cannot quite fathom that we are having another child. That I will be a mother of two. That there will be two kids who look to me not to screw up their lives. 2 kids to do laundry for, two kids to buckle in, 2 kids to pay everything for...two kids to love like crazy. It amazes me that the two people whom I will be fortunate enough to know as my own for the rest of my life will soon both be here. And just like the time before Nahanni that I cannot quite remember, I am sure we will feel the same about the time before there was _________.
Ah, names. No. We don't have any. Still. We'll just have to meet them and then I guess we'll know.
Nothing radically interesting going on other than my usual philosophical musings. I wonder if I am still 'living the life I imagined' and whether it is better to live in the moment or be all responsible and buy insurance and RESPs and save for the future and all that grown-up stuff. I liked it better in the adventure phase, but still, having kids is its own adventure, that's for sure. I don't know the answer; I wonder about how my sanity will fare under the regime of two young children (they are their own little dictators, aren't they?). I don't know if the stay-at-home/working mom thing will grow thinner and thinner. I already question the relative sanity of homeschooling since it will never allow me out from under the thumb of mommyhood to explore, rediscover and redefine my own place in this world. Many of the dreams I once held don't hold me any longer and I don't think I have found new ones to replace them yet. I feel like my personal fulfillment has definitely taken a backseat to that of my children and that has mostly been okay - but for how long? I feel cracks in the facade somedays that are so wide I could stick my whole self through it without scraping the sides. And still, no answers are forthcoming.
Well, there is one answer: Why don't you focus on having a baby in a month or so? How 'bout that?
Ah, philosophy.
1 comment:
Keegan, you look absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! Your little lady is growing like crazy and that in itself says your doing everything right. She looks so happy, adventurous and curious in every picture. Being that you're already the mom of one makes you a superhero...whats one more? ;)
<3 Jessica
Post a Comment